I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
