She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
