If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mom said you looked used
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
