I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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