Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
