A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
