don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
