All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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