So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
