Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
