you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
