i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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