"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
