its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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