Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
