I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Boobs are out for the taking
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
