Got a toothbrush?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
