You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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