the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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