I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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