who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
