nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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