Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.