He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex