suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.