someone owes me an orgasm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...