This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever