Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
