i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
