I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize