yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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