Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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