mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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