3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
