May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
