You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
