found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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