a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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