I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
