this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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