did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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