just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
