you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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