the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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