You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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