were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize