I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
