When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
