i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
