grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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