I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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