so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
