So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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