Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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