you turned your livingroom into a bong?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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