Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Even my vagina gasped.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
