I want to stick my p in your. b.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
