Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
