Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
