i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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