Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
