her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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