there's paper in my vomit.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
