Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
