we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So many bounce houses so little time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
