just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
