Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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