she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
