i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
